Laguna or Aa’, was a distant uncle from my mother’s side. We were only a few years apart, which is why we were so close to one another.

I remember as a little kid, I used to be so envious of him because he had so many toys that I didn’t have but wanted. He had so many barbie dolls like you wouldn’t believe! But then we moved to New Zealand and then to East Borneo and we never really saw each other again until ’93.

In 1993 my dad bought a house in Bintaro Jaya, a really nice real estate area in South Jakarta. Oma Hetty, which is Aa’s mom, helped dad in the house buying process because they have lived in that area since a few years before that.

Because we moved to that area, I got to hang out more with Aa’. He just started his fashion label and me, still a virgin at 17, was curious about his world, the glamorous world of socialtes, models, fashion designers and good looking people.

He took me under his wings, taught me how to put make up on, shared his wardrobe (cos he had a lot of feminine clothes that I would borrow whenever we went out) took me out places, introduced me to his friends and most importantly, opened my eyes to the world that I wanted to live in, wanted to own.

He was one of the very first people that I called when I finally lost my virginity. His exact words upon hearing the news were, “You lost it to a man who loves you, right? Because that is what I have always told you to do, make sure your first is worth it so you will never hate yourself later.” And sure thing, I listened to him and I waited for the right person. My first was one of the great loves of my life and is now still a dear friend.

Aa’ knew me first when I was a silly little girl with a HUGE confidence problem, but he helped me get over the problem and saw me grow into a woman so confident about herself that it borders on being narcissistic. But he never worried about me because he knows that I always fall on my feet plus he shaped me and taught me how I was supposed to live my life, not by words, but by example.

His quirky and unique sense of humor infected me; he and I share such a deep understanding of one another that in so many occasions we didn’t need to say anything but our exchange of looks was communication enough.

I remember he took me to Singapore in ’93 or ’94 when he had to get his health checked out before he got his first kidney transplant. I spent several days with him in his hospital room but never felt depressed because even when he was sick, he always managed to make other people feel good, to make them laugh and just make people have a great time regardless what he was feeling!

He was amazing in the fact that he never wanted to be a burden to anyone and always put the need of others above his own, even if it meant him suffering, whether emotionally or physically.

He had such a big heart and so much love for other people that he had no space in his heart to keep hatred towards others. There were so many people around him who were just around to take advantage of him. There were his so-called friends (you know who you are) who was around all the time because Aa’ had a lot of money and loved to spend his money on others. Whether taking friends out for expensive meals, or buying them stuff or helping out with their finances, he spends easily on people he cared for, even when he know they were faking it.

Even those ‘friends’ who loved him and left he never hated. Not even disliked. He just felt that it was natural selection, that some friendships had expiration dates.

The only thing that he truly hated was how some people can take their healths for granted. Those who were using drugs, who were having unprotected sex, careless about their health, those who liked to seek danger and those who contemplated suicide.

He told me many times, some times whilst crying, “Rima, please don’t be stupid and take care of yourself. You are lucky to have been born with a clean bill of health. Do not take your health for granted because all the money in the world means nothing when you are sick like me. And I was born sick, so I know what I am talking about.”

He was the strongest reason why I stopped being stupid, stopped taking drugs and stopped contemplating suicide. I went all clean when I was 19 because his words struck a chord with me. After that I took care of myself better than before.

He was also the person who encouraged me to sing, to write, to model (he made me walk the runway for the launch of his first plus sized fashion line in ’97 in Fashion Cafe Jakarta) and to be proud of who I am. He was like the big sister I have never had, the best gay uncle and role model a girl could ever have and was in so many ways my fairy godmother. I owe so much that I have now to him, because he taught me stuff that I have never been taught before and I live life remembering and applying them.

One of the things he taught me was to be non judgmental to others. When I stopped believing in my religion, I told him about it. And although we shared the same religion, he never judged me for becoming a non believer. He loved me still as I am and he told me that it’s my heart that matters. No matter what religion I believed in, or if I had none, it’s how I conduct my life that matters most to him.

He didn’t care about what religion, race, gender or sexual orientation a person was, he was a big fan of people’s hearts and kindness, not some thousands of years of scriptures that tells us to do stuff that is actually against our heart and better judgments to begin with.

Even when my parents weren’t, he was there for me still and always. He continued to love and comfort me, assuring me that they will change one day; that their hearts will soften and they will see what and who I have become, a changed person and a much better one at that. And they will one day want to get to get re-acquainted with me, and will even be proud of me. I hope to God he is right about that too.

He knew me inside and out, was with me through my first marriage, my many boyfriends and ex fiances, helped me with my problems during adolescence, the ups and downs of my love life and life in general, and he was my number one cheerleader. He believed in me and he made a difference in my life.

The amazing thing is that even with his poor health, he was able to do this to so many other people, his family, his friends, his acquaintances. God must have loved him more than his other children because He blessed Aa’ with the emotional strength of Mother Teresa and the wisdom of Mother Nature. I am not exaggerating here, he is like that, at least in my eyes.

When I moved to Brussels in 2001, I remember him being so sad that I will be away from him, but I told him that I will surely keep in touch every chance I got. I invited him to my (2nd) wedding in 2003, but he couldn’t come because his health was getting worse. But he promised me that if there is one thing he will do before he dies, it is to come and visit me here, and his extended family in Holland.

Over the years I heard that his health got better, he had his second kidney transplant and that he was feeling better.

He got involved in so many activities that I was actually worried for him because I know how he can be when he is busy. He will not take care of himself so well because he was a true workaholic and he hated to let other people down, so he will not stop if his projects were not yet finished.

Sure enough, I heard that his newest project, a movie he was producing, was included in the Rotterdam Film Festival 2010. The movie was his baby, he financed it and they even shot it at his house. He came to Rotterdam in February 2010 and spent a week there to promote the movie, then I picked him up when it was over and he spent a week and a half with me.

The week and a half he spent with me was time that he spent in pain. Due to being over tired during the film festival, his health got so bad that I couldn’t take him to Paris, to Luxembourg and Germany like we had previously planned. We went to the hospital instead where he heard some bad news about his lungs, his kidney and his overall condition.

I made sure he rested, and took care of him during his stay at my place. We went to my bestfriend’s Fifie’s place in Holland because he also knew her since long ago and he knew that he could come and visit but still rest and relax there because she is like family.

After the weekend at Fifie’s place, we drove him to Utrecht to his cousin’s place because he wanted to spend some time with his immediate family there. They would take him to Amsterdam for his flight the next day. Knowing that he was with family, I could leave him with ease.

I still remember him promising me to come and visit again in 2011, this time with his mom. I know that it’s never gonna happen, but I secretly hope he will come visit me, even if it’s in my dreams.

I cried a few hours ago when I heard the news about his passing, but now i am just laughing and smiling, remembering him and recalling my fondest memories of him. His leaving is a big loss for me and I am sure also to so many other people whose lives he has touched, but I would much rather celebrate his life than focus on the sadness of him being gone. He was a truly unique and inspiring individual who had no hatred in his heart. If people in this world were half the person he was, the world would be such a better place to live in.

Life is short, yet it is not about how long you live it but how you spend it. His may be short, but it was meaningful and his presence in this world of ours helped a lot of people and changed lives. Such was my angel, my bestfriend, my uncle. You will be deeply missed.

*Dedicated to my uncle Achmad Ingemar Laguna Wiranatakusumah or Aa’, who was an angel in this world and will join the other angels of God in heaven. Love you with all my heart.

Brussels, 26 December 2010.

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